day 12 everyday positivity - Impress and conceal or Express and reveal
I walk through life without a face...a puppet full of lies; intent upon concealing...my life from prying eyes; no matter how a life is played; it's no more than a masquerade.
I featured this poem (author unknown) in my high school poetry notebook. I burned every word from this poem into my mind as I write it now from memory. Going through adolescence was a tough time. I wanted to fit in so badly, to be liked, to belong. I learned to portray a person I thought would get others to like me.
When I was younger, we moved a lot. I learned very quickly that people judged me without even knowing me. It made me feel isolated. Making new friends in new neighborhoods and new schools was hard. These feelings of rejection turned internally into self-doubt and self-hatred. So I picked up a mask and learned how to blend in. If someone didn't like me, well, it wasn't really me anyway.
The silver lining of it all was I became resilient. I anticipated rejection and reminded myself it's only temporary. This resiliency made me strong. Today I am able to travel to foreign countries without knowing a soul. I am able to pick up and move across the country knowing that in the end, I will make friends. I have deep empathy for other "newbies" and try to reach out so they don't feel alone.
For me, decades of carrying the weight of the mask became burdensome. So recently, I gained the confidence to put myself out there. I took some calculated risks and exposed parts of who I really am by writing this blog and creating/teaching on-line courses to share my knowledge and life experiences. It's been scary and quite rewarding. I feel freer.
I learned that my good enough actually is GOOD ENOUGH. My willingness to fail in front of an audience and showing my vulnerability has created more opportunities than were possible before. People get to experience me now with my flaws and all...perhaps it makes me more relatable than the impressive mask I've been wearing.
This 101 days of everyday positivity blogging is one way I am able to express and reveal. I encourage you to be brave and be your real self. You might experience more freedom and opportunity too.
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