Updated: Apr 20
There are plenty of fault-finders in the world. Even in paradise, fault finders will find what they seek...what's wrong. But there are also benefit-finders. They seek and find what's good even in the worst of situations or bleakest of moments.
We can turn our fault finding stories into benefit-finder by looking for the silver lining. I am going to show you how by telling one of my stories...from both perspectives.
So here is my fault-finder teenage self.
When I was in high school, I auditioned for the all school play. When I read the list of names of the students who got the roles, (posted for all to see, argh), I discovered I did not get the role, not the understudy or other acting parts! I felt devastated and embarrassed. Then I saw it...my name under another list that said, Props support. What the heck is Prop support? I noticed that another classmate's name was listed as "prop master" and my name was under hers as "prop support"...I really sucked. The teacher not only didn't think I deserved any acting roles and now somehow I end up at the bottom of the prop support list? How bad could I have been to deserve such a blow??...and in full view of the whole school (or whoever read the list, lol). Such a sad story and terrible teenage let down. I put myself out there, was so vulnerable and failed. I never tried out for any acting roles from that day on.
So now I am going to share the same story from my benefit-finder adult self.
When I was in high school, I went out for the all school play but didn't get the part. It was upsetting. The teacher didn't know me very well but wanted to involve me somehow in the play and thought I would be good at props. Turns out that the person she assigned to Prop master was offended by not getting the acting role she wanted, so the teacher asked me to be the Prop Master and explained what it was. I had a blast. I was able to leave school during school hours to gather needed materials. I made new friends. I learned how to set up the stage, make changes between scenes, and support the actors. I was respected by my peers. People relied on me and I delivered. I felt important, I felt like I was contributing and I was a leader. I was not interested in trying out for acting roles in the future because I found another way to express myself that was equally rewarding. Leading by serving. I learned to pivot, adapt, and set new aspirations.
Same life experience, one through the lens of the fault-finder and one through the lens of a benefit-finder, both accurate accounts of the same story. I choose to allow the silver lining of my past story shine and appreciate how it made me more resilient today. Be a benefit-finder!
Give it a try. Tell one of your story by finding fault and then tell it again as a benefit finder. Let me know how that went for you!
Want help with finding the benefits or the silver lining? Sign up for coaching here: https://www.silverliningsinternational.org/coaching-consultation