What If We Asked Better Questions?

Sometimes, the most powerful change we can make in a conversation is surprisingly simple: change the question.

During a recent Trauma-Informed Motivational Interviewing (TIMI) Group Coaching session, participants shared real-world examples of using motivational interviewing with youth, families, colleagues, and staff. One theme stood out: when we replace closed questions with open-ended questions, we create more room for people to tell their stories in their own words.

For example, instead of asking, “Do you have rental debt?” one participant shared how she might ask, “Can you tell me a little bit more about your rental history?” The difference may seem small, but open-ended questions can help people share more context while feeling less like they are simply moving through a checklist.

Moving Beyond the Checklist

In human services, there is often information we need to gather. Forms need to be completed, assessments conducted, and services coordinated. But when a conversation becomes a series of questions requiring one-word answers, it can unintentionally feel transactional.

TIMI encourages us to consider how we can accomplish what needs to be done while still creating connection.

One participant described weaving required questions into a natural conversation rather than asking families to work through a long list. By sharing a little of her own experience and inviting families to share theirs, she found that people could provide the information needed without feeling like they were simply answering question after question.

That is trauma-informed practice in action: the task still gets done, but the relationship matters too.

Curiosity Builds Connection

Open-ended questions aren't just a way to gather more information. They communicate genuine interest in someone's experience.

Questions like “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What do you hope will be different?” give people space to identify what matters most to them.

During the coaching session, participants also discussed the value of asking ourselves what we are genuinely curious about. Rather than searching for the perfect response, curiosity allows us to slow down and listen more deeply.

This can be especially important when someone has experienced systems where they have repeatedly felt misunderstood or unheard. In those situations, even a small misunderstanding can feel significant. A simple response such as, “Thank you for correcting me. I want to understand what you're saying,” can help move the conversation away from defensiveness and back toward connection.

Small Shifts, Meaningful Impact

Trauma-informed motivational interviewing isn't about getting every interaction perfect. It's about practicing a different way of approaching people: listening with empathy, avoiding unnecessary confrontation, recognizing strengths, and creating opportunities for choice and autonomy.

And like any skill, it gets easier with practice. One participant noted that the more she practiced turning yes-or-no questions into open-ended questions, the more naturally it became part of how she communicated.

So before your next conversation, consider asking yourself:

“How would I want someone to ask me this question?”

Then pause, get curious, and leave a little more room for the other person to tell their story.

Sometimes, one better question is all it takes to open a very different conversation.