The Question That Can Change How We Support Others

When someone is struggling, it can be easy to assume we know what they need. We may want to offer advice, solve the problem, or step in with what we believe will help. But trauma-informed practice asks us to pause, get curious, and let the person tell us what support looks like for them.

One simple question can open that door: “What can I do to support you right now?”

During our recent Trauma-Informed Motivational Interviewing coaching session, we explored how powerful this question can be. The answer might be advice, a listening ear, some space, practical help, or simply having someone sit alongside them. The important part is that we don't decide for them. We give them a voice in what happens next.

We also talked about the importance of asking permission. Before offering advice, a solution, or even a hug, asking, “Would it be okay if I offered a suggestion?” or “Would you like a hug?” reinforces autonomy and helps us avoid making assumptions about what someone needs.

Sometimes people don't know what they need. In those moments, offering a few choices can help. “Would you like me to listen, help you think through some options, or give you some space?” gives the person a place to start without taking the decision away from them.

One of the strongest examples from the session involved a client who walked out of a housing assessment. Rather than assuming the client was unwilling to participate, Olivia asked what hadn't worked and what they needed. The client explained that they would feel more comfortable working with a female housing assessor. Once that need was understood and addressed, the assessment was completed.

It is a powerful reminder that what looks like resistance may actually be information.

Instead of asking, “Why won't they cooperate?” we can ask, “What might we be missing?”

That shift from judgment to curiosity can reveal barriers that aren't immediately visible and create opportunities for stronger engagement.

Trauma-informed motivational interviewing isn't about having the perfect response or knowing exactly what someone needs. It's about creating enough safety, choice, and space for people to participate in finding what works for them.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is simply ask.