There are people who have made me downright mad and angry. In those moments, when I get that emotionally upset, I realize something is hitting close to home. Allowing others to upset us is a choice. It doesn't feel like a choice in the moment, and it's really hard to undo your guttural feelings. I implore you to see that emotion as a stop sign. You can choose to learn or continue to be upset.
For example, there was this person who I felt was completely dismissive and unappreciative of me and my hard work, how dare they! That put me in a really bad mood. I spent a good 30 minutes ranting and raving to a trusted friend using choice words I shall not repeat here. When I was done ranting, I felt awful. It wasn't helpful at all.
But how come my reaction was so visceral? It hit a core in me, my greatest fear...that my work isn't important, helpful, or relevant. Worse fear ever. I have spent years on creating my own training, my brand, my little corner of the world. When it wasn't acknowledged or appreciated and worse - it didn't make a difference, this is a reflection on me.
So when I scream in the mirror to get out my frustration, am I really screaming at myself? Probably. Note to self: I can use the emotion as a stop sign and choose. What can I instead learn from this person or about myself?
What I can learn from the person who was so dismissive? I scheduled a call to check in with her and asked for feedback about my business and trainings. What I found out was she was so overwhelmed with circumstances in both her personal and professional life, that my training was at the bottom of her list as she was just surviving.
She had some feedback about the training, but it wasn't catastrophic, she was distracted. I wonder how many times I have done that to other people? Ouch. So busy in creating my own business that I don't see what is happening in others.
What I learned about myself is that when I am feeling vulnerable, I interpret other's actions as directly pointed at me. What I learned about others is that, everyone is going through something, don't make assumptions and check it out.
Stop to appreciate someone else's journey and learn from it. Learn to not take things personally. Check out your perceptions before you go down the long road of tantrums that turn out to be quite unnecessary. Learn that you may be the one who needs to learn a lesson.